The 6th anniversary of my abortion date is approaching. I would have given birth in April 2002. For some Godawful reason, I felt this strange empowerment in scheduling the abortion prior to the Thanksgiving Holiday. How nice and considerate I was towards Planned Parenthood in [...] not to mention my own Thanksgiving Holiday plans to have a weekend getaway ski trip with the father of my baby. He broke up w/ me in 2004, strangely enough, right before Thanksgiving holiday. He said he was "tired" of me. Initially, I was in HOW COULD YOU? mode. He said it took him 2 years to muster up the nerve to tell me...
Needless to say, Thanksgivings are rough for me.
Now I understand how emotionally exhausted & drained we had become to eachother. He just put it simply-being tired across the board. He did not want me to have the abortion. He was there for me more than I was for him. I was selfishly unaware & needy. We were both in need of some healing from the abortion but could not identify that together.
This is just one tiny facet of my healing. I consider my post abortion healing a part of my daily life. It is a continuum, it makes me feel alive.
Here is a prayer I revisit especially during the abortion anniversary.
A Prayer After the Termination of a Pregnancy
I made a decision, God, to terminate my pregnancy. This choice was not made lightly. I prayed, I meditated, I searched by soul for an answer. I knew in my heart that I should not complete this pregnancy.
You know my heart, God. You know my pain. You know my anguish. In your infinite wisdom, I pray that You will glean the spark of potential life and plant it where it may grow and flourish.
Help me, God. Shield me from the reproach of those who do not know my heart. Teach me how to overcome feelings of shame and guilt.
Let me begin again, God. Lead me to new hope, to new joy. Hear me, heal me, never leave me.
Amen.
Prayer is included in:
Levy, Naomi. Talking to God. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2002