I had an abortion even though I believed in my heart that it was wrong. But I was more afraid of losing my boyfriend than of losing my own soul. He left me anyway just two days after my abortion. The pain and the guilt I felt for having killed my baby was overwhelming. I even made attempts at wounding myself in order to pay for my sin. But there was nothing I could do to compensate or atone for my wrongdoing.
There were voices all around my trying to justify it, "A baby would have ruined both your lives ... you were not ready to be a mother ... he was not ready to be a father ... I had an abortion, too, and it's okay." But I knew there was no justifying murder of a baby that had been created in the image of God. I had recalled to mind voices from my past speaking to me of God's love but wanted nothing to do with a God who could wink at my sin and just accept me regardless of my heinous crime.
However, I found myself in church one day and that sermon was not on God's love for me but the pastor actually asked if I loved God. I left believing I was destined for Hell. Why should I love God? How could I love Him? I went home and opened my Bible that day praying to Him asking Him to give me a reason to love Him. I found that reason in the book of Romans. Jesus Christ died for the ungodly. First of all, I was ungodly. Jesus did not come to save the righteous but the sinner -- He came for the sick and that was me. I was sick in my very soul. Black from sin and guilt. Next, He died. My sin did not go unpunished. Jesus suffered, bled and died for my abortion if only I would accept that by faith. I did not get a free pass. Someone did pay the price -- a precious price.
After my abortion I often felt my life was not even good enough to give as a price for my sin. His was. He was the perfect sacrifice. God was and is just (He punishes sin) and justifier (for He so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whosoever should believe on Him should not perish but have everlasting life) of those who have faith in Jesus. God through Christ alone provided that longed for atonement for my abortion. And He speaks to all of us who experienced the pain and guilt from our sin, "Come to me all you who are weak and are heavy laden and I will give you rest for your souls."
"Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved. How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed!"