I was seventeen when I found out that I was pregnant. It was the most shocking thing. I never thought it would happen to me. I guess that’s what everyone thinks until it happens to them. I missed my period and my boyfriend asked me if I had it yet. I lied and said “yes”, he knew I was not telling the truth so he got me a pregnancy test just to make sure. I took it and sure enough I was. I didn't know what to do I was so scared.
[My boyfriend] said that he would go to [the reproductive health center] and find out about abortions he did and came back with the places that did it in our area. I though getting an abortion is what I wanted because that’s what he wanted. I never was given any other choices.
I knew I had to tell my parents but I was scared that my mom would kill me so I told my stepdad, it was easer, and he told my mom. I think she took it okay she helped me with everything but once again I was never asked to keep the baby. I had to wait about a week to get the abortion and I can’t remember how I felt. It was probably to hard on me so my memory blocked it out.
The day came to have the abortion. I felt nothing I was numb to all my feelings. My parents drove me down there and I went into a room with a woman. She asked how far along I was and other things, then they took me into a room. I was a alone and scared by this time. The doctor checked me and I remember he looked at me and said “Yep, you are pregnant”. It was horrifying to hear him say that. I tried so hard not to think of it as a baby inside me. He had me swallow a pill and then told me I need to take another at home .
On the drive home nothing was said I just went down in my room and did what I was told. I woke up with the really bad stomach cramps, it was hard to walk. I tried to walk up stairs to tell my mom but in the middle of walking up the stairs I felt something come out of me. I ran to the bathroom and started to cry. I had passed a blood clot and it was the size of a lemon it was my baby and its life was over.
I called my boyfriend to help calm me down, but his mom said that he went to a party. No surprise there. I know he was not ready to feel any sort of pain over the baby or me. I did talk to his mom and she made me feel better and still to this day I love her for that. Even if I never get the chance to tell her.
After that night every thing went back to normal no one ever talked about it. Of course, my boyfriend broke up with me soon after and that was the hardest day of my life. I had no one left. He left me with a broken heart and having to deal with what I had done all on my own. I did my best to pick myself up and keep living a happy and healthy life. And that's what I have been doing for seven years.
I just got married last year and that’s when things got really hard on me. I wanted my baby and that’s all I could think about. I got help through a woman that my sister goes to church with. She said she would help me for free. I have been journaling and openly talking about the abortion and it’s helped me so much it’s not a big secret anymore.
I know now that I will see my baby one day. Until then I will try to be strong and be the person my baby can look down on and be proud of. I can’t wait to hold my baby in my arms and never let go again.
And as for the father I hope he is happy. He was just a young man and I would never hold anything against him. And as for me I would go back and change everything if I could but I can’t. I will spend the rest of my life telling women and girls to think about it before getting the abortion, it is a person and it should get the chance to have a life. I’m not saying that it won’t be hard but the other choice is much harder in the end.