I've regretted, hated, resented and been in pain for 28 years. This truly is a silent grief - and it is a devastating loss, no matter what others may say. I aborted two children, who I believe were boys. I also miscarried a child between two of my living kids. The only healing that penetrated my stone cold heart was God. He was the only source for truth, mercy, and unfathomable joy - once I surrendered to the love He wanted so desperately for me to let in. I did get help - from Rachel's Vineyard, and now I breath again, I feel again, I love my living children better.