Two weeks after my 21st birthday

Two weeks after my 21st birthday I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do or how to re-act...how could this be happening to me? I was in college and focused on my future. I was so scared of what my family would think. I was the "golden" child I guess you could say.

The father wanted nothing to do with me or the idea of having the baby and pushed the idea of abortion on me. I was completely against it at first but with nowhere to turn and the idea that having a baby would ruin my future, I had the abortion.

I remember that day vividly and wish I could go back and change it. 2-9-05 was the day my life changed forever. Afterwards I had feelings of resentment towards anyone that was pregnant or had kids. Why couldn't I go back and change my decision? I ended up dropping out of college. I felt like I didn't deserve to better my future...how could I when I killed my baby? I couldn't deal with my feelings of guilt and resentment so I just didn't.

I was completely numb but slowly I began to feel. I would break down and cry and sometimes I still do. I prayed and asked God for his forgiveness but I just can't seem to forgive myself. I don't know if I ever will. Abortion changes you. It did for me at least.

My life is no longer career driven. I don't care how much money I make or what my social status may be. I just want a family and to live happily ever after. In life we all have choices and with those choices come consequences. This is one choice I will always have to live with.