I am 30 years old.

I am 30 years old. I have three beautiful children, 12, 6 and 2. I was having problems with my husband and I had an affair. The affair led to being pregnant. I made the choice to have an abortion. I am in the process of going through a divorce and now dealing with the emotion of having gone through with the abortion. I feel guilty and embarrassed. It's been 4 days and I still have lower back pain that reminds me every moment of what I did. I was raised in a very catholic family, so making the decision to go through with the abortion was very difficult but I thought it would be the best thing to do for everyone specially myself. I was already going through a separation and being pregnant did not help the situation. I now feel sooooo guilty. Why this baby I killed had to pay for my stupid mistakes...