It has been three years. I found out in March that I was pregnant. I only told my boyfriend and my boss at the time. I didn't tell my family, he didn't tell his family and we didn't tell our friends. After I told him he just kind of ignored it. It was easiest for him to pretend like nothing had happened. But I couldn't ignore it because of the physical symptoms I was having and knowing that I was carrying our baby. I used to think there was something wrong with me when, on occasion, I would catch myself being happy, or excited about carrying our child.

Finally we were out of time and at the very last second I had an abortion. We drove to Tuscaloosa. It was July 5th, four days after his birthday and his house had just been broken into. We sat in the lobby and filled out the paper work. Then I found out the cost and we had to drive three hours back to Jacksonville and borrow money from a few friends. I pawned jewelry and my guitar. We had to tell the friends we borrowed money from what was going on, I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. We made the drive back to Tuscaloosa and got there 15 minutes before the clinic closed. It would have to be a 2 day abortion. I was examined, given medicine and told to eat and take an iron pill. We had to stay with friends of a friend that we had never met before. We spent our last 15 dollars on iron pills and some food from the McDonalds dollar menu.

The next morning we went back to the clinic and I was shown into a back room. I waited for 2 hours, alone. Finally the procedure was finished and I was still alone. He waited in the lobby. Groggy and disoriented I was put in his car and we drove home. The next day I had to go to work and worked for 8 days straight. I did my best to not show the pain.

Now every year around his birthday how he looks at me changes. He never talked about it anyway. I never talk about it because he never talks about it. It makes me feel like it is wrong to have feelings about it.