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I met my partner in Middle School.

I met my partner in Middle School. We have the exact same birthday. Day and year. And same city. He was my first boy kiss lol. We didn't date through high school. Not until I was 20. And our lives spiraled out of control. Neither of our lives were easy. His parents divorced and hours father a drug adult. My home hoarded, my father a hoarder. So we both restored many ways to cope. Then eventually nether of us could take it anymore. He moved away to recover. I tried to. He's been sober now but still drinking almost every day for 3 years. I relapsed a year ago. My mind hasn't ever exactly been together. Both of us are broken people. I got pregnant this year. I have done so much wrong that I hadn't forgiven myself for, I didn't believe I could be a good mother. I was afraid of creating a suicidal or depressed child. Because I was suicidal. Crying and throwing up so much I couldn't really eat anything. I didn't know I was so delusional from how dehydrated I was. I didn't know that the government would provide medical help. Because for some reason I didn't think I'd qualify. My partner had no idea either. I didn't want to ruin his life. Take his chances away to go back to college. We're both 23. I didn't want our child's parents to end up divorced like his. Him an alcoholic like his father and alone. I couldn't risk destroying everything around me because I wasn't mentally and emotionally good. If I knew how much it would have ruined me I wouldn't have done it. I regret it all. I'm pro choice. And I made the wrong choice for me. I would of done anything. Now I don't want to live. Or really ever eat. Or get up. Or work. Or do anything. Now I don't have a job. And I don't know how to go on.

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