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I found out I was pregnant

I found out I was pregnant in the bathroom of my college dorm a few months ago. I was in the midst of a very hard breakup with my ex who I had just started seeing again 3 weeks prior. I drove back to my college town that night and found myself crying in my car to Taylor Swift. I thought that this was very weird given that I am not really an emotional person and its hard for me to cry like that. Later that night my sister and I went to the grocery and to get some food and on a whim I decided to buy a pregnancy test. I have taken a pregnancy test (or two) every month for a while now. My ex and I were not the safest when having sex, though I was on the pill, I was always paranoid that I would end up pregnant. I went to my dorm room with my sister and took the pregnancy test like I normally would, not thinking it would turn out positive. As I pulled the test up to put the cap back on, I saw the water line go across the film and that positive line pop up immediately. I quietly walked out of the bathroom to make sure what I saw was correct and waited the 3 minutes without looking at the test. I went into the bathroom with my sister and low and behold, positive. After taking 2 more tests, it hit me. I was 19, single, and pregnant. Fast forward, I told my parents, my ex, and his parents knew as well. The following week I found my self sitting in an office in Nashville waiting to go back and get the pills for a chemical abortion. I am now a few months post abortion and am in a terrible place swallowed by regret. I just wish I had someone to grab me in the moment and tell me to stop and wait a minute so I could process what I was doing. If that had happened, I would be in a better place. Either, more at peace with the decision or not dreading June 4, 2021.

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