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Right around Halloween I found out I was pregnant.

Right around Halloween I found out I was pregnant. I decided to take a test after feeling a little off the previous few days. I knew it would be positive before I even took it. I just had a feeling. And I was right. My first reaction was pure joy. And then the nerves kicked in. I started thinking about what my family would think. How my friends would look at me. My grandparents who I admire so much. I’ve always put extreme pressure on myself to make others proud. And I knew this would not make them happy. I told my boyfriend first , he was so supportive and told me it was my decision and he would be fine with either . To keep the baby or terminate the pregnancy. We talked for a few days About it . I wanted to make the right decision so I didn’t rush myself. The talk of keeping the baby seemed to come up a lot . I started to really like the idea of having the baby . It wouldn’t have been perfect but we wanted to make it work. We decided to keep it and planned to see a doctor . About a week after I found out I was pregnant I went for lunch with my family and my grandpa . Over lunch he told me how proud of me he was and that he was happy to see me becoming so conservative and going to church and continuing my walk with god. It crushed me to think I was ruining his views of me . I went home that day and booked an appointment with an abortion clinic. I told my boyfriend I couldn’t go through with it and I needed to get an abortion . He went with me to the appointment and stuck to his word and stood beside me every step of the way . I ended up having a medical abortion and to this day he has done everything to help me through the emotions that come with an abortion and helping me grieve. I believe I made the wrong choice that day . I didn’t make that decision for myself I did it for the people I love around me . And as much as a care for them I should have listened to my heart and I should have kept the baby for me. I talk to my baby all the time , write her letters. I wear a necklace for her everyday with her birth stone on it . She’s a part of me and I can’t wait to meet her in heaven one day. I ended up going to post-abortion counseling. No one tells you how difficult it is. No one warns you of the emotional scaring and grief you go through. I want everyone who reads this to know you are not alone. You have the right to grieve the loss of your baby. Your feelings are real, you are strong , and we will get through this.

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