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I got pregnant in my last year of university.

I got pregnant in my last year of university. I’m a foreign student in Russia and I’m studying in an international university. So I met a guy from Rwanda and I immediately fell in love with him and he says he did too. He turned out to be very narcissistic, projecting and would gaslight everything I said, as a result I cried almost everyday. When we first met he told me he wanted to impregnate me so as to keep me for himself. Five months into the relationship we started suspecting that I was pregnant. He immediately changed and asked me to stop visiting him. I took the test and it came out positive. He asked me how I felt about having a black child. He is black and so am I. Three days later he broke up with me and told me he just didn’t love me anymore. He told me he could never love my child either because it would have came from me. In Russia it’s difficult to get your new born baby a citizenship if both parents are foreigners and going back home was no option. I had no job or any means of income. I loved my baby but I had to give up. My ex boyfriend helped me with the abortion fee and afterwards he told me never to contact him, so I went with him to his place to collect my things. He beat me up when we got there simply because I asked if he had cheated on me. Days later I found out he had been seeing someone else, and she was Latin, had fair skin and was exactly whom he insinuated he wanted a baby with when he asked if I was okay with having a black child. He never asked me how the abortion went. It’s been six months. They are still together and I still feel the pain. Every month on certain days I become so depressed and just yesterday I almost gave up. I loved my baby but I was not strong enough to have it.

Note from your friends at Sometimes an abortion experience can create intense emotions that you may not feel equipped to deal with on your own. You are not alone! If you're thinking about or planning to hurt yourself, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website at

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