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I was 18 years old

I was 18 years old, working at a pizza place, still living in my parents basement planning on secretly moving out. There was so many issues going on inside my home which is why I was moving out. My boyfriend and I were in a very rough place in our relationship, he was also living in his parents basement, but his job was much better. When I took the test I was at my boyfriends and he was at a party, I immediately called my sister and asked her what I should do, I then called my best friend balling and he came to pick me up with his girlfriend for a hour. My boyfriend then called me to let me know he was on the way home, I told him there was something we needed to discuss and he guessed what it was right away. When he got home we talked about the options and he told me he would support me with whatever I chose. He was nervous to tell me he was leaning towards an abortion because he did not want to pressure me in any way. He wasn't comfortable with adoption and I respected that. I was constantly going back and forth every day in my mind between getting an abortion and keeping our baby, it was the most difficult time in my life because on top of dealing with all the mental and emotional turmoil, I was also feeling like absolute garbage physically everyday, I just felt constant nausea and sickness. I would cry every day and night and my boyfriend was by my side every step of the way. I was 6 weeks pregnant when I decided to get an abortion and 9 weeks pregnant when my appointment was, it was four and a half hours away from where my boyfriend and I lived. He drove me down and paid for everything, because of Covid he was not allowed inside the building which was very difficult. I decided abortion was the best option because I could not provide the life that our baby deserved. I really love and wanted to keep my baby and the decision I made was out of love. My boyfriend stood and continues to stand by me every step of the way, even when we broke up for a while. Without his and my sister's support I do not know how I could have and continued to manage. The clinic and all the women who work there was also an amazing help, they took care of me and held my hand every step of the way, they and the environment was comforting. At the time I had never even been on antibiotics before and only been to the hospital once for a concussion (due to sports), I was so nervous about getting a procedure done for the first time and they were so nice and amazing. When I walked my boyfriend was waiting at the door to walk me to the truck and he had my favourite food and show all ready. I was confident in my decision and as ready as I could be on the day of my appointment, I know it was the right decision but sometimes I doubt it. It has been a year as of a few days ago and I still struggle with my decision. I think about my baby every day but it is not always sad. I do still have a very hard time with my grief and guilt, I had a particularly bad night the other night and my boyfriend suggested I find professional help or some outside support. That is when I found this website and for the first time I feel like I am taking steps to actually face it and heal instead of pushing my feelings back down. Thank you for your time and hearing my story.

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