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I recently had an abortion

I recently had an abortion and I have a very long road of healing due to this decision I had to make. I was in another state for a little while and decided to have fun since I'm only 24 years old, I eventually came in contact with a friend of one of my cousin's and he's a few years older than me and we had several sexual encounters. I remember getting ready to leave and telling the guy I was occasionally sleeping with the news I was leaving as well, which led to one last night together. A few months go by and I hadn't noticed anything different about my body except for the fact that my breasts kept getting bigger, which I found slightly unusual but brushed it off. I have PCOS which means my cycles have never been regular so when I hadn't had mine in several months, I still didn't think anything of it. Kept moving in my life and lost all contact with the guy I slept with which was fine by me as I never liked him on an emotional level whatsoever. As about three to four months pass, I started noticing that my stomach was starting to look a little more round than normal, luckily I was already sick the day I saw and went to a walk-in where low and behold I found out I was pregnant. I was shocked to say the least and immediately let my current boyfriend know and how it happened. I was a big mess of emotions because I've always dreamed of being a mother one day and now that it was happening I felt I had no choice but to terminate as I was in no space financially and living wise to care for and support a child at this time, which then lead to me feeling completely broken. I eventually found an abortion clinic near me and had to have a 2 day procedure since I was 18 weeks already. Unprepared emotionally and physically is a huge understatement of the entire abortion process. I felt very afraid, lonely and highly anxious throughout the entire ordeal. Once everything was said and done, I was left feeling disgusted of myself, disappointed and even worse very empty. The one thing I yearned for the most was taken away from me and I am very much angry and hurt and in pain about it all. I know I did what was best for me and the unborn child that was growing, I just can't stand the circumstances that led up to it. I just want to cry and scream and break everything just to process the raw and unedited emotions I've been feeling about the abortion lately.

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