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I found out I was pregnant when I was on birth control.

I found out I was pregnant when I was on birth control. It was September 15th 2017 when I found out I was pregnant. (My boyfriend at the time was a complete bum.) I didn’t know what to do or how to feel because I wasn’t ready to be a mother. At first I was feeling sick and had morning sickness a lot, but I thought it was the side effects from taking the birth control pills. I was throwing up and my stomach kept on cramping like crazy. So one day (September 15th) I checked into the emergency only to find out that I was 17 weeks pregnant. When the doctor told me that I was pregnant I almost fainted and I felt like I wasn’t living in real life in real time anymore. The doctor then asked me what I was going to do, like do I want to keep the baby, or go for the alternative like adoption or even abortion. Knowing that if I had told my parents about it they would disown me fast! So I told my close sister and she was such a huge support. We kept it a secret from the family and she helped me make my decision to have an abortion hence I was on birth control already, taking the right procedures not to get pregnant, but accidents happen. On the day of my abortion I went into the room and was talking to the nurses about the procedure and all the benefits, side effects, and even safer birth control methods in the future. They then gave me drugs that made me almost black out and then it was time for the procedure. It went so fast! One minute I was lying on the hospital bed feeling her move around in my tummy, then the next minute the doctor stole my baby just like that! When I got home I was so depressed and all I could think about was my unborn child. I wanted her back instantly and kept replaying the moments I could feel her move around in my tummy. I even used to put headphones on my stomach for her to enjoy music the way I do. Now she’s gone and I felt like I wanted to die and go meet her. I was in a dark place for a few months and I didn’t like hearing or seeing another baby that wasn’t mine. It’s been 2 years now and I still think about her everyday and what it would be like if I had kept her. I pray to God about it and I ask for forgiveness and I know that God knows I’m not evil for what I have done. It was really hard to move on from this at first, but now I am feeling less guilty and more hopeful for my future to become the best mother I can be if God blesses me with another child.

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