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All my life, I have never been a fan of abortions for my own person.

All my life, I have never been a fan of abortions for my own person. However, I did not hold anyone else to that standard, their body their choice. In the past I experienced a miscarriage, but by time I knew what was going on I started to miscarry. Therefore, its fair to say I was not too emotionally involved and I accepted it for what it was. Now a few years later after being celibate, 2020, I found myself in a position where I was in situation sexual relationship with one of my best friends. We had sex only a few times, on no occasion did he cum inside of me and also asked if I should purchase a plan B, in all the times his response was no. Trusting that he was in his 30s, with no slip ups or kids, I accepted his response and went on. It is fair to say, I was very surprised, when I started to experience pregnancy symptoms, but after I missed my period I was sure that i was pregnant and I began to just accept it. In my mind abortion was never an option, this was something communicated with even before we started to have sex. When I told my partner of the pregnancy, he immediately told me that its not too late to take the pill. The next day when we met up, he reinforced that he thought it was a bad idea to continue with the pregnancy and that he felt it would not be a good environment for a child. Meanwhile, him and I both have good careers and come from a good family, and we were best friends for a few years, I felt that a coparent situation would not be the worst thing. Every-time I talked to him, he was make me feel guilty for continuing with pregnancy and like the only option was abortion. He refused to discuss going forward with the pregnancy and what that would be like. Out of the pressure I made the appointment, I had no intentions of actually going, then the night before the appointment I called to reinforce to him, that I do not believe in abortions and I do not think I can go through with the appointment. Instead of listening, he just spazzed on me and basically told me that he would resent my baby and I. I cried for hours, not knowing what to do. It was like do I bring this child into the world knowing that one parent had such hatred toward a child and wondering if I had enough support, and how would a life be like for my child. I also work a very physically and high stress job which I was miserable at, would I have a healthy pregnancy? I was utterly confused. Make matters worst, I asked my close friends her thoughts, and she said the same thing as him. Feeling as if I were the one being selfish, I woke up and went to the clinic the next day. As I drove to the clinic, I was numb. I am an emotional person overall and that day I had no feeling. I waited for hours, saw other women cry and I sat there with no emotions. I went through all the motions and did as I was supposed to. For 2 days, I was numb. Then once the reality of what I had done set in, the depression started. For days, which turned into months, Id just sit at home and cry. I got injured so I was away from work for 3 months, which made the depression 10x worst because I had nothing but time to think. Not wanting to call my friends and burden them, I just stayed to myself. I even tried to find therapy which was an epic fail, healthcare system is terrible for those seeking help. I got to the point where I completely hated myself, i lost weight, then got covid, and honestly I just did not want to be here anymore. I come from a spiritual home, so I just kept praying and asked God to heal me, and trusting that better days would come. I am now in a more functional state, less crying and more productivity but I still have my days. I honestly do not feel that I will ever be the same. I am not sure if its not too late for any of you reading this, but please, do not ever allow a man to tell you what to do with your body. Its your body, do what is in the best interest of you. If you are scared, there are plenty of resources available to help you, will it be easy, no, but it is possible. For those who are going through the emotions post abortion, have grace with yourself. What you are going through is traumatic, just know that you are not alone and you made the decision that you felt was best in that moment. I recently learned that there are local post abortion recovery programs, try looking for them on google. Health insurance also pays for therapy, it is just a matter of finding an actual therapist that is part of your network with openings.

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